Why Is It Funny That Someone Would Love Me?

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Words I’ve recently heard from the YouTube sensation Miranda Sings in her show “Haters Back Off”. Upon hearing this, I honestly just broke down. I couldn’t stop crying, and when I tried, the tears seemed to continue on. But why exactly did these words hit me hard? Surely I have nothing in common with an entitled millennial?

Recently graduating from High School, and moving to Sydney, miles away from my home in Qatar, I’ve been having a difficult time adjusting. Of course I tell people otherwise, I mean who wouldn’t want to be here? Sydney is just beautiful, and not too many people get such an opportunity. But moving to another country meant saying goodbye, not only to my family, but to my friends too. To people whom I’ve been with for a long period of time. Those whom I’ve made lifetime friendships with. I suppose the type of love I’m looking for isn’t the romantic kind, but leaning more towards my need for friendship.

Some people have social anxiety, but I have the opposite. Lacking any form of social interactions scares me, I hate being alone. I hate the feeling of loneliness. I’m scared of it. I suppose I also have abandonment issues, but I’d rather not focus on that. Recent developments have caused some emotional strain within me, it turns out my closest friend here in Sydney had to change her class time, completely different from mine. It completely broke me, I didn’t want to go to college alone, and yet now I have to. The thought is scaring me, and it hasn’t even happened yet. I’m frightened right now, my eyes starting to tear up, I’m scared of being alone.

It’s funny, I searched online “Ways to Cope with Loneliness”, and with that ridiculous search came ludicrous results. “Learn a New Language”, “Learn to Juggle”, “Become an Expert Chef”. They sure do divert my mind off the topic, but it doesn’t solve the problem. I suppose making new friends is also a possibility, but I attend a Vocational School, where majority of my classmates are 10 or 20 years older than me. Meanwhile, having a social life outside class is impossible since I’m grounded (another story for another time).

Returning back to Haters Back Off (spoiler alert), the final episode ends with Miranda all alone. I’m not completely alone, I still have my family. Though, sometimes there are things even your family can’t understand. Things you can’t tell them, because they have high expectations of you. So, I can’t reveal anything, because the stakes are high, especially now. I keep myself entertained by buying books, it gives me a speck of happiness every now and then, but I still can’t help but remember my current situation. The fact that I’m still not able to make friends.

Sure this may sound like a rant, or a whine, but I have established that these are my “thoughts”. Though, in all honesty, I can’t help but express my sadness towards this recent development. I’m sure we’ll be keeping in touch, I won’t let our friendship go astray, but I just can’t help but feel that I’ll be alone even more now than before. I can’t fathom just how much I’ll brood over this.

However, I’m sure there are others out there who are struggling with the same issue, or maybe similar to it. No matter, I just want to say, I understand you, and so below is a playlist of songs I suggest you give a listen to when you encounter such an ordeal, maybe they’ll make you feel better, just as they helped me calm down:

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